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Thursday, July 7, 2011

How to annoy a book seller

Something about me you might not know.... I work at a large bookstore chain once a week.  I was so excited to start working there; I thought it would be full of intelligent articulate customers... I was grossly wrong. I thought that working for such a large corporation they would be concerned about their image.... again I was wrong.  I thought they could afford to pay a cleaning crew to clean the bathrooms and the store... leaving me to put away books and straighten up for another day of book hunting for customers.  Wrong.  I've come up with a few rules that you should keep in mind when you go into a book store.

1.  Know the name of the book.  Don't walk into a book store and 'think' the name of the book is something.  If you don't know the title of the book, know the author's name. We are not working for psychic hotline, we don't know the name of the book, we didn't watch Dr. Phil that day, we didn't hear the radio show you did and we don't know your aunt or what series she is reading.
2.  Put your book away in the RIGHT place.  If you put it in the wrong spot, you make it impossible for us to find it for the next customer.  Do you think we magically know that you put a business book in the fiction section?  Now the computer shows us it is in the store and another person needs the book, you make it impossible for us to find.  People are jerks when they want a book and the computer says we have it and they are running late.  They take it out on us.  Just so you know.
3.  If you get a magazine and take it to the men's bathroom with you to do whatever it is you are doing with that naked girl mag... don't put it under the trash bag.... go ahead and just put it in the trash can... I don't want to touch it.  (This happens more often than you'd think).
4.  If you have children, teach them how to put away a book.  If your child is a raging lunatic screaming freak, leave your little darling at home.  Some people come to a bookstore to study or read.
5.  Don't set your sniffling sneezing germ ridden child out to run the store like a wild zebra.
6.  If you insist on eating your food throughout the store.... throw away your trash.  I'm not your mother and I don't enjoy picking up your nasty chicken bones up off the floor.
7.  Keep in mind that we are citizens in your town, and we have blogs and we just might talk about you in a blog.... so don't act like you're above us.  I'm honestly not interested if you are a mega millionaire.... we breath the same air.

I could probably keep going...... so, now that you're totally disenchanted with book stores... and some of you are wondering where I work..... just know that it is happening in your bookstore too.


  1. It's amazing how discourteous people are now days. I say if you cannot reshelve a book properly lay it on the counter by the clerk, that way they know to reshelve it.

    And books etc should never be taken into a public restroom.

  2. I still want to work in a bookstore lol

  3. You'd be amazed how many books end up in the men's restroom - blech

  4. Well now that you've completely demystified the whole 'working in a bookstore would be awesome' concept, I just have a few things to say.

    #1. Here here!
    #2. See #1. People can be real as... jerks, I'm not one of them, (really, I'm not) but I know working with the public means dealing with the impatient, intolerant, and the worst of the worst.
    #3. Ew.
    #4. Maybe try the library, although I'm sure librarians keep blogs too, so you may just want to stay home, read your little one a bedtime story and put him down for a nap.
    #5. See #4.
    #6. Chicken bones...really?
    #7. Said on behalf of the majority of the world's population. Thank you.

  5. Chicken bones were found in the YA section - the relationship section (a nicer word for sex education by pictorial section) and I think I saw a chicken bone near the register. Oh you'd be surprised by the things that happen and the straight up lunatics that frequent the store. People buying religious books are the rudest and cheapest....they think they are the only ones with Him on their side so they think they are superior. Who knew?

  6. Oh, Devyn . . . HAHAHA! This is a superb post.

    Although you have marred all the grand illusions I had about working in a place with filled knowledge, art, history, elegance, and people who uphold these values, I got a lovely laugh from this. May I just say, "I'm sorry" on behalf of all those profligate heathens doing shameful things in the bathroom. *Shudders* Oh, and the mothers who let their wild brood run a muck, while somehow immune to their shrieking, flailing, and the bestowing of little green presents on all those precious books. Lol. I love children, was actually a nanny for 10 years, but they can be utterly disgusting.

    Thank you for shedding some light on this issue. Next time I stop into my local brick and mortar book store, I will be sure to keep an eye out for these hooligans! Maybe I'll bring a bottle of Febreeze or Lysol just in case :)

    Favorite quip -- "We are not working for psychic hotline, we don't know the name of the book, we didn't watch Dr. Phil that day, we didn't hear the radio show you did and we don't know your aunt or what series she is reading." Awesome!